Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize