Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Randomize
