then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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