my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
