I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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