I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
