I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize