Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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