nut hugger
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize