turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
