dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
