Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
