I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
