What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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