Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
