these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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