Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
