like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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