Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
