just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Randomize
