so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
