I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
