I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Couch. On fire.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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