It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize