piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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