conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
