An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
