I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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