I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my phone needs a breathalizer
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
