also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
