Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
