now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
