oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
