He disabled his match.com account in front of me
im holly from the hills drunk
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
