I puked a lego.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
