would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
