The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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