I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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