Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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