Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
