i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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