Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
