I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize