Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
