i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
