i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
