just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
