I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize