You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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