worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
