I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
