I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
