no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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