I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize