If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We left the knife in your bed.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
