so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
