Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
