my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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