im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I AM VODKA MAN
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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