My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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