just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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