I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
