He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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