I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
ttyl tear gas
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
