turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
