is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
