i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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