I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
