I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
