I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
A bitchslap is in order.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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