will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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